November ’19

Over the past few months I’ve been trying to work on a balance of what to share and what not to. I’ve always been a bit of an over-sharer, but lately I’ve found myself feeling like I want to keep a few things to myself. I’ve found myself not being entirely authentic about the past few monthly posts. I feel like I was just brushing over it, because I wanted aspects in my life to be a bit more private. So bear with me while I find my new balance.

This month showed me how much I’ve actually grown in being open and vulnerable. I’ve being working on this for years and never realised how much I’ve changed. I was tested by the Universe and I showed myself that I no longer shut down emotionally. I can trust and follow my intuition. Even if I try and it didn’t work out this time, it will hopefully the next time. With this test a lot of shadows surfaced, I knew of them but I didn’t know how deeply affected I was by them. A lot of shame and tears surfaced because I felt disappointed in myself that I had these shadows. So fuck it! I’m going to own these shadows and let you in on them:

I want to be seen as the cool/chill girl

I don’t want to be seen as crazy

I don’t want to be seen or told that I'm overreacting

I don’t want to cry over a boy

I see most of these shadows on a spectrum, like they’re all pretty subjective and will be perceived differently based on your own personal experiences and your definitions. But if we generalise these shadows, I have them.