December '19
A part of me is terrified for 2020 because I don’t want anymore bad news. Over the past two years I’ve experienced a lot of death and grief. In October I received some bad news about my Aunty’s cancer. I already know that there will be loss and grief in my future. I went through the same thing with my Grandma last NYE and no matter how many times you experience death and watch someone you love loose their battle, it never gets easier.
2019 has been rough, as well as being fruitful. I’ve felt this year at both extreme ends of the spectrum. With all of the loss and grief, I’ve come to the point where I will not tolerate anything or anyone that makes me feel small. It isn’t worth it, life is too short to be putting up with bullshit and people pleasing. I deserve more. We deserve more.
Having control of my happiness has always been of value to me but now I also see it as a privilege. This has been the biggest positive take away from cancer. It really gives you perspective on life. As a person living without disabilities, chronic pain and illnesses. I live a very privileged life and I shouldn’t and will not take that for granted. I still have the ability and control over my body’s movement, I am not restricted by my body. I am capable of doing whatever I desire. This has been my motivation for 2020 and it has dissolved all my fears of failure. You never know when this could be taken away from you. So if you have dreams and goals, put in the work to make them your reality. 2020 is the year to live a life you’re proud of and take risks to achieve your goals, because at the end of the day you will be okay. We are all capable of taking lessons from an outcome and improve. No outcome is truly negative. Failure is not a negative, it is a positive. Everything happens for a reason, so trust the universe that it will provide the tests and lessons you need to experience to get to where you need to be.
I have a very strong gut feeling that 2020 will be a very transformative year for everyone. 2019 was all about working through your shit, getting punched in the throat by the universe to make you realise that you have many lessons to learn, conditioning and shadows to work through. Now that the shit has been worked through, no matter how low your lows may be in 2020. You will be thriving.