October '18

October is my birthday month and Libra season.

The first half of the month I felt so refreshed and powerful. October has been all about cleansing, enhancing my self worth and self love, and continuingly opening my heart up to myself and others.

I had the “wow I really hated myself” moment. Where I realised I had very low self worth. I was settling for less than I deserve and less than I want. I cleansed myself of from anything I was holding onto that was blocking me from calling in what I wanted. This was mostly a boy cleanse —all the boys that I brought into my life, during a time where I was in my low self worth. All their numbers, messages and social media accounts are all removed from my life. Even though I wasn’t talking to any of them any more. Just by having them on social media, I was still placing energy onto them. If you’re trying to call in healthy relationships romantic or platonic, it’s important to cleanse yourself from any that aren’t serving you.

I learnt that self worth where ever it’s at, is a reflection of what you think you deserve. In that moment you think you have the highest self worth you’ve ever had as it’s aligned with your core beliefs. However your core beliefs can be limiting. Self worth is ongoing and a forever moving target, with rituals and habits of self worth and self love, you fill and enhance it.

I also figured a lot of my blockages in life. I felt relieved that I now knew the root of my issues. But as I got into the second half of the month, I felt a little lost…off balance. A part of it was that I realised I had a lot to work on. I was so excited to work through and conquer my issues, but then it all seemed overwhelming. I tend to overthink my issues, and think that they will take years to work through. Giving them more energy and life. But really all I had to do was rewrite the story, change the past, change my core beliefs. I tell myself and believe that —I am enough, I am love, I am worth all I want.

While listening to the EXPANDED Podcast by Lacy Phillips episode with Mark Grove —I’ve made the conscious decision to live in my highest level of knowledge —to stop making mistakes that are choices, to rise to a whole new level of integrity. To stop going through the cycle of “I’ve already fucking learnt this, why am I still doing this shit?!” All of this was hurting me and I already knew this, while I was making the mistakes. I’m consciously calling myself out on my bullshit. I’m not living the bullshit anymore. I’ve been saying this for so long. It’s time to put it into practice.