March '19

This month I worked through To Be Magnetic’s workshop Partnership and a lot of new blocks came up, but I’ll talk about all that in depth another time. One of the things that has come out of the workshop so far is that I spent two weeks on a dating app, Hinge. I’m not really big on dating apps. The whole process of all the messaging just tires me out. Like it’s a lot of messaging, for a long time. I don’t like texting. I’m on the side of —If you want to talk to me, call me or let’s meet up.

I’ve been on dating apps before, but only in London. The only difference this time round was that I was using them consciously. I stayed away from them in Perth because I guess I had a fear to be seen, I thought that only emotionally unavailable people are on there and I felt too vulnerable that people I knew would see me and that I’d see them. All these blocks and fears was why I decided to download Hinge and I learnt that everything I thought was wrong:

  • I don’t have a fear to be seen, it goes much deeper than that —I’ve always known this about myself but when I make a decision on how I feel about someone, this sometimes/most of the time happens relatively quickly and it’s pretty hard for me to move from it. Which bring onto the deeper part of this fear. Because I’m like this I have a fear of others loosing interest in me and not wanting to get to know me. So Basically I’m protecting myself, projecting my fears onto others and having it mirrored back to me. What a cycle!

  • Emotionally available people are on dating apps well, Hinge anyway. And through my interactions on the app my perception of people on dating apps are only looking for “hook ups” is gone. I do think that you could find your person on a dating app.

  • I only saw three people I knew and it didn’t freak me out like it did in London.

Once I realised all this, being on Hinge didn’t light me up, I didn’t feel excited by the thought of meeting someone new or anyone I was talking to. So I deleted my account. It was all a bit of an experiment. Although my perception of dating apps has shifted. I don’t think they’re for me.

What are your thoughts and experiences of dating apps?

Disclaimer: This is NOT sponsored by Hinge.