April '19

I had a 10 second melt down after a scroll through my Facebook feed. Seeing people buying houses, getting engaged, getting married, having babies. Although I’m so happy for everyone, I turned all the attention back on to me. Self absorbed? I guess so. I started judging myself, comparing myself to everyone else’s life events. Feeling like I’ve done and achieved nothing in my life. All of this negative self talk, insecurity and fear washed over me. Leaving me feeling suffocated and drowning in panic. Then I snapped back into myself, and remembered that although I want all of this in my future, I don’t want it all right now. It’s completely normal to have these feelings, let yourself feel out these emotions but you have to pick yourself up. Shift your mind set and move your energy into a positive space to live the life you want.

It’s very common for people to be creating timelines of their lives. Where they see certain things happening —relationships, having family, buying a house, where they see themselves in 5 years, what experiences they’ve expected themselves to have. I’ve never been one to set timelines for relationships and buying a house. Timelines for my career and success however, used to consume me. It sucked me in and drained my life away. Dramatic I know, but it’s the truth. I’ve let go of timelines along time ago because they just aren’t healthy. It’s the reason why I’m not a planner. I didn’t have a set plan of how my move to London would go, I never plan a full itinerary for any travel I do. The closest I get to a plan, is intention setting and to do lists. I’m all about being present in the micro, to succeed the macro. Of course I have an image of my future, things that I want to be there. But things change, you change. A plan is never set in stone, your big picture could be one thing today and completely change tomorrow. Just know that whatever you see for yourself is okay and be okay if that changes too. I know what I want now, in all areas of my life. From my relationships, career, my present and my future. I will not settle for anything less than I deserve and desire. I will do the work and work hard to live a life that fulfils me, that is filled with happiness, creativity, exploration and love.

Remember, everyone is on their own journey. Things will fall into place at the right time. You can and will achieve whatever you want in life, as long as you are doing one thing each day (the micro) to work towards the bigger picture (the macro).

I’m going to leave the drama queen here, and leave you with my monthly playlist and a very old YouTube video of mine —don’t know what you’re doing with your life. Where I talked about the difference between direction and drive, the importance of drive for success and the negative impacts of focusing on one direction in your life.